The golden rule
Once you send an image, you can't control what happens to it. Disappearing messages, "view once" and screenshot alerts all reduce the risk, but none of them removes it. So only send what you could live with, to someone you genuinely trust, without your face or identifying details unless you're completely sure.
Before you sext: the checklist
Both of you are adults
Everyone involved must be 18 or over. This is a legal line, not a guideline. What you can and can't send.
You both want to
Ask before you send anything explicit, and don't send because you feel pressured. "No", "not now" and silence all mean don't send.
You know who they are
Have you video-called? Does their profile add up? Fake profiles are the main route into sextortion. How to spot a catfish.
You've chosen the right app
Use an end-to-end encrypted app with disappearing messages. Avoid apps that back up your chats unencrypted. Apps compared.
The image can't identify you
No face, tattoos, birthmarks, distinctive jewellery or recognisable rooms. Strip location data. How to hide your identity.
You've checked the recipient twice
Accidental sends to a parent, boss or group chat happen more than people think. Check the name at the top of the chat. Sent it to the wrong person?
Safe sexting habits
Do
- Talk about boundaries: what you're both comfortable with, and what happens to images afterwards
- Start with words. Explicit messages carry far less risk than photos
- Use a PIN or biometric lock on your phone and on the app
- Keep intimate images in a locked or hidden folder, not your main camera roll
- Turn off automatic cloud backup for the chat or folder
- Delete images you no longer need, and ask your partner to do the same
- Trust your gut. If something feels off, stop
Don't
- Send to someone you've only just met online, however keen they seem
- Send your face together with nudity, unless you fully trust them
- Sext on a shared, work or school device
- Sext while drunk or upset. That's when mistakes happen
- Pay or send more if anyone ever threatens you
- Show or forward someone else's images, ever
- Sext with anyone you think might be under 18
Talking about boundaries
Having the conversation doesn't have to kill the mood. A few lines that work:
- "I'd love to send you something. Are you into that?"
- "I'm happy to send pics but no face. Is that cool?"
- "Can we agree we'll both delete everything if we stop seeing each other?"
- "I'm not comfortable sending pics yet, but I'm loving this conversation."
Anyone worth sexting will respect those answers. Pressure, guilt-tripping or sulking when you say no is a red flag.
Warning signs to stop immediately
Stop and step back if they...
- won't video call, or always have a "broken camera"
- push for explicit images very early, or right after matching
- move you quickly from a dating site to WhatsApp, Telegram or Snapchat
- ask for photos with your face, or your social media handles, "to prove it's you"
- ask about money, your job or your family
- say they're under 18 at any point, even jokingly
- threaten you in any way
If something goes wrong
Need help right now?
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 (UK), 112 (Ireland/EU), 911 (US/Canada) or 000 (Australia).
- Images shared or threatened (adults, UK): Revenge Porn Helpline, revengepornhelpline.org.uk or 0345 6000 459
- Stop images spreading (worldwide, adults): StopNCII.org
- Under 18: Childline's Report Remove tool at childline.org.uk or call 0800 1111. Outside the UK: Take It Down
- More countries and services: see our help and support directory